


How I Became a Table

by smokingbomber, storyofthedoor



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon
Genre: Multi, POV First Person, Unreliable Narrator, tags will change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-07
Updated: 2017-09-07
Packaged: 2018-12-25 01:33:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12025299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smokingbomber/pseuds/smokingbomber, https://archiveofourown.org/users/storyofthedoor/pseuds/storyofthedoor
Summary: Jadeite explains basically what it says on the tin, and incidentally, also how Ami and Zoi ended up hooking up.EDITED.





	How I Became a Table

As Sander moves some chess piece or other across the board on my back, I start to shift a little to relieve pressure on one knee and put it on the other. Apparently Ami disapproves, because the next second she's pinching me and telling me to stay still.

This is the least fun I've had since the root canal I got in high school when I figured, hey, my best friend is a healer, obviously he can heal cavities in teeth, right? And I let it go, and let it go, and it turned out that magical healing doesn't include dental.

You might be wondering what the hell I'm doing on the floor with a chess board on my back. Let me tell you what: even though I know how I got here, I'm still asking that question myself. The logic I got from these supposed geniuses was /really lacking/.

 

 

So like... I'm not sure where everyone else is right now-- I know Rei's at the jinja but is coming over later, and I /think/ Mamoru's out with Usagi? But I got no idea where Kei is, and it's only a matter of time before he and Minako intersect, what with him brooding over Mamoru. Or it could be the other way around. Maybe I'll make a flowchart for you. Or a shipping wall except on a piece of paper with non-toxic crayola markers. This crowd is an incredible mess and it's mostly thanks to my good intentions not surviving contact with actual people.

Anyway Nik just got here and he's lusting after Mako's cookies and I know for damn sure I'm not going to get any of them at all. So instead of getting pinched some more, I'm going to tell you as much of the story as I've got the patience to dig out of my head. Which is supposedly a lot of patience, but the endurance part of that patience is currently being used to cope with being on all fours on the floor with a fucking chess board on my back.

The whole thing started with the lot of us getting reborn in the modern day. Like, yes, reincarnation is a thing. Reincarnation is especially a thing when the Queen of the Moon makes sure your (and your accidentally treacherous bros') souls get sent into the far future -- I mean what you'd think of as modern times -- along with the prince you accidentally betrayed and the Moon Queen's daughter, who your prince was doin' the old rumpy-pumpy with, and /her/ bros -- I mean sisters I guess? Sorority of the Silver Millennium? anyway her planetary guardians, uh -- right /get sent into the far future/ to all get reborn in the same time and place -- Earth, modern day -- so you can all be friends again or fall in love again or whatever without interplanetary politics getting in the way of your booty calls.

Like, okay, I have heard stories about alternate universes where the stupid unnecessary war back then never happened, and alternate universes where the stupid unnecessary war just KEPT GOING after we were all reborn and us poor schmucks got fucked over all over again because that chick version of the Ultimate Nice Guy, Beryl, saw getting reborn as another opportunity to get in our prince's pants? But this is how it /really actually/ went down in /real life/ and it is /why I am being a fucking table/, ultimately.

In real life, we were reborn -- as one is -- and Beryl never actually went and reawakened that fucking demon out of the sun that gave her the power to turn our doubts into treachery. YOU MIGHT THINK that that's because /in real life/ the Moon Queen actually managed to kill the sun demon or super-seal her or whatever, but it's actually because I legit grew up with partial memories of my first life. I met Mamoru on kindergarten orientation day, man. And I knew right away, as soon as I saw him, that he was Endy. I mean, Prince Endymion. He was /my prince/, of course I knew him on sight.

Thing is, he wasn't a prince in this life. He was just a kid, like me. But I knew I was a big part of the reason he wasn't a prince anymore, and I decided then and there, at five years old, that I was gonna fucking make sure he was safe and I never hurt him again. I didn't remember Serenity, the Moon Princess. I didn't remember Beryl. I didn't even remember the other guys. I just knew I had helped destroy everything that meant everything to him once, and I had to make /absolutely sure/ that never happened to him again, no matter what.

I figure Kunzite-- that's Kei-- would probably have creepily lurked around at just enough of a distance to stalk him without getting spotted, and just beat the shit out of anyone who gave him shit, or maybe scared the shit out of them. Zoisite-- Sander, now-- would have clung to him like a baby monkey and never ever spoken a word so that Mamoru would think he was protecting a littler kid who'd otherwise get picked on, but actually be using sporks from the school cafeteria as shivs to murder the faces of anyone who so much as looked at Endy funny. Nephrite, I dunno. He's Nik. He probably woulda adopted Mamoru as his kid brother and given him noogies and contact and bossed him around because he always thinks he knows better because the goddamn stars tell him shit.

Me? I became his /best friend/.

I wanted to be anyway, because /let me tell you/, I didn't want to be far from him ever, since I'd found him like some kind of giant miracle (which I guess it was, I mean, I gotta give it to the old girl, Queen Serenity knew from making miracles). But I was happier and happier that I did, even aside from being near him again, because he was /so/ smart, and /so/ capable, and /also a goddamn touch empath/, and there was no paradigm in the modern world for him, so he was having really big trouble making friends and /that kid should never be alone/.

Never ever.

So yeah I was his best friend when his folks died in a car crash and he lost his memory. Didn't see that one coming! I threw raging tantrums and screamed until I passed out in order to get my parents to take me to see him in the hospital, and it was a good thing I did, because dude-- he remembered me. And his parents didn't have any surviving relatives. So what did I do to make sure he didn't get shuffled into the system?

I threw more tantrums. He was /such a good kid/ that basically they were like 'maybe he'll have a mitigating influence on our demon son, jesus fucking christ', and he charmed the socks off them, and maybe if they were a little weirded out by the touch empathy they didn't mind once they saw /me/ clinging to him like a baby monkey. For some reason I think they still care about my well-being, I don't know.

Anyway they took him in as a foster son and couldn't adopt him because wow the orphanage industry in Japan is fucked up, but apparently his folks also had a lot of money? Which also fucked that up? I could go into detail but either way the state controlled his income until he turned 20, and paid my folks a childcare stipend or whatever, so it wasn't like there was financial difficulty, just unfairness and stupidity which frankly is what you get with any government Endy isn't running and isn't being sabotaged out of running by best friends who fall for shitty lies and shittier demonic influences and turn crowds of protestors into mobs and riots with torches and pitchforks.

The important part here is that I made sure he wasn't alone growing up. Sometimes he asked me why I felt guilty, and sometimes I had nightmares where I was leading crowds of civilians against him and he saw them, but he always woke me up and told me not to be silly, I wouldn't do anything like that ever, and I couldn't answer him as to why I felt guilty. He stopped asking, but didn't stop trying to make me feel better when he woke me up.

I mean I couldn't tell him he was my prince and I had betrayed him in another life, what the shit kind of thing is that to say to your foster brother in the middle of the night in second grade?

The other guys would've been better for him. At least they didn't silver-tongue crowds of /his subjects/ into rioting /against him/, who was the prince /they loved/. But even once I remembered them as more than empty holes in my life and heart and mind and skillset, I couldn't fucking find them. So all he had was me, and I had to make sure I would be enough, and that he wouldn't try and convince me to forgive myself. If I forgave myself I might get sloppy. He might've gotten hurt again.

But anyway it was just the two of us until middle school, and then we met this kid I totally thought was a girl who was getting picked on by a crowd of ninth graders, and Mamoru had literally the most violent reaction I had ever seen from him in this life.

 

******************SMASH CUT******************

_"/NO I DON'T WANT A SHOT!/" screamed Mamoru, kicking wildly, eyes so wide the whites were showing all the way around; he struggled with all his seven-year-old might until he finally bit the nurse -- the one who was wrestling him -- on the arm. That's when /she/ screamed, all of a sudden riding his lizard-brain panic, and dropped him and ran away._

_There were running grown-up footsteps outside, but Jay was already curled protectively around Mamoru with a snarl on his freckled and baby-faced countenance, pressing his sobbing foster brother's face into his shirt and rocking him._

_His parents agreed not to press charges as long as the nurse didn't, and the child counseling services had a field day with the violent and unpredictable blond boy with the face of an angel and the feral protective streak._

*****************(end flashback)*****************

 

Dude, Mamoru ran over and literally fought all four of them by himself for a couple seconds, and by the time I stopped gawping and ran to help him, he'd already knocked two of 'em out and didn't even get hit /once/, and the little girl was already kicking the third one in the nuts.

 

******************SMASH CUT******************

_"You leave her alone!" Mamoru commanded with the ringing voice of authority as he dropped his bag and stepped toward the beefy ninth-grader hassling the small strawberry blonde he'd backed into a corner._

_There was fear on the little girl's strangely familiar face, but it was a calculated thing, conjured to produce the misapprehension that the older boy had the upper hand. When Mamoru strode forward, the girl's face was transfigured: her summer-green eyes lit up like she'd seen sunlight after the longest winter ever, recognition and love pouring out of her--_

_\--and they were abruptly replaced with real fear and a fiery, possessive protectiveness._

_As the older boy was instantly backing off and turning to see the person with whom he was in worlds of trouble, the little girl pushed herself off the wall and charged, murder-first, to punch him in the dick before he could even process that the black-haired twelve-year-old storming toward him was the source of that commanding voice._

_Jay leapt past Mamoru and kicked the older kid, already crumpled to the ground, right in the kidney and then rounded to haul him up by the shirt-front and hiss in his face, blue eyes alight with wild fury, "You fucking keep your distance from us and ours, jizzrag."_

_The little girl looked down at the ninth-grader and summarily dismissed him, then cleared her throat and said in a velvety voice, "Actually..."_

*****************(end flashback)*****************

 

Luckily we weren't on school property yet, and there was no fucking way they'd tell anyone that two seventh graders that they had like a foot on, and an elementary-school girl, had beat them up.

Well, that's what I thought. Turns out they were whiny babies and told on us, but I'm a troublemaker and Endy's a saint and man that girl was tiny, so I made sure I took the fall for the whole thing.

Also turns out that that girl wasn't a girl, that girl was Zoisite.

I really need to pee. This table thing sucks.

 


End file.
